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Eight Gems On Life: Three Hours With Scott Brills and Nicky Hajal

 Scott_Brills_Nicky_Hajal

Last night I went to bed at 6am after exploring some of Berlin’s nightlife. I woke up at 2pm today.

Some may call that a waste of a day, but then the first three hours made up for it as they were spent in deep conversation with my close friends Scott Brills and Nicky Hajal.

I say this all the time, but I feel like I live in a TED talk. Every day is full of rich conversation that challenges, stimulates, and inspires me. We just wrapped up one of those sessions, sitting in the living room of our flat, bouncing ideas off of each other for several hours. We didn’t plan anything, it just happened organically.

After we wrapped up, the first thing I thought was, “I need to share some of this goodness!”

So here are some of the highlights from that conversation:

 

1. Earn enough money for more than just yourself, earn enough for others you love.

I’m comfortable right now. I make enough money to cover my expenses and work, live, and play anywhere I want. Many of my friends are also comfortable.

We talked about how some of us never have any money in our bank accounts. But we make enough to cover all of our expenses to do whatever we want. If we need to make more money, we just hustle a little for a week or two. But once bills are paid every month, we’re back at zero.

But what happens when we get married? What happens when we start having kids?

We shouldn’t be striving to earn enough money just for ourselves, but for others around us that we love.

Not making enough money shouldn’t be the sole thing keeping you from getting married or having kids.

Takeaway #1: Earn enough money for more than just yourself, earn enough for others you love.

 

2. Convert people to openness, love, and growth. 

I spent the first eighteen years of my life convincing people that the world was a wicked, messed up place to convert them to my religion.

Now I convince people that the world is a beautiful place that’s full of amazing people doing amazing things. Now I convert people to openness, love, and growth.

It’s a much more fun and fulfilling place to operate from.

Takeaway #2: Convert people to openness, love, and growth.

 

3. People want your life, but none of the work that comes with it.

I want pieces of your life.

I want a family. I want kids. I want the stability and security of having a relationship with a woman who is also committed to openness, love, and growth. I want a seven figure business. I want to write a book. I want to create businesses, communities, or organizations that will put a dent in the universe.

But I’m not willing to do the work. Or I haven’t been until now.

You want pieces of our lives. You want the travel. You want the freedom. You want the location independent business. You want to be able to sleep in until 2pm on a Monday. You want to do whatever the hell you want whenever you want.

But you’re not willing to do the work. Or you haven’t been until now.

Nicky is one of the most brilliant developers I know. He works with some of the biggest names on the Internet to build products that touch millions of people. He works from anywhere in the world and gets to go to a lot of Armin van Buuren shows.

But not a lot of people wanted his life when he was a college dropout with a fledgling web development business.

Takeaway #3: People want your life, but none of the work that comes with it.

 

4. It typically takes three years to create an empire or a whole lot of money.

I’ve been at this for a year and a half now. I haven’t created an empire and I haven’t created a “whole lot of money.” I make good money, but not “holy shit, you make more in a month than I make all year” money.

Several friends of mine make that kind of money. And as Scott, Nicky and I discussed all of their journeys, we agreed that it typically takes around three years of solid work to make that happen. Sure there are the exceptions. Sometimes we get lucky. Sometimes it takes a little longer.

But give yourself three years at something and I have a hunch that soon we’ll all be reading about you.

Takeaway #4: It typically takes three years to create an empire or a whole lot of money.

 

5. Use other people’s accomplishments as a mark of what’s possible, not where you should be.

I’m inspired by a lot of people.

Dane Maxwell inspires me.

Jonathan Fields inspires me.

Pam Slim inspires me.

When looking at their bodies of work though, I have several choices.

I can either beat myself up for not being where they are at or I can use their accomplishments to see what’s possible in the world.

Guess which one makes me feel better? Guess which one I choose?

Takeaway #5: Use other people’s accomplishments as a mark of what’s possible, not where you should be.

 

6. Don’t sabotage your friends’ goals even if they infringe on your happiness.

I’m trying to quit drinking. I’m getting to the point where it really isn’t serving me anymore. But some of my friends subconsciously (or consciously) don’t want me to quit drinking. Do you know why?

Because Mike Under the Influence is one of the funnest, wildest, high energy people to be around. If I’m drinking and we’re out, it will probably be one of the funnest nights of your life. Especially if my brother is added to the mix.

But what about me? What about my health? What about my life?

Some of my friends are getting girlfriends, getting married, or having babies. They aren’t the same fun loving bachelors who can meet up for a Vegas trip on a minute’s notice. But they’re happy.

So while I mourn the loss of our friendship in a certain context, I’m so happy that they are stepping into the next chapter of their lives.

Which is much healthier than telling them their girlfriend sucks or ridiculing them for being “old and boring” now (Unless their girlfriend really sucks. Then I’ll tell him).

Takeaway #6: Don’t sabotage your friends’ goals even if they infringe on your happiness.

 

7. You are the five people you spend the most time with. Spend it with top shelf humans.

Hang out with negative, unhealthy, selfish people and there’s a good chance that you’ll start to become more negative, unhealthy, and selfish.

Hang out with positive, healthy, generous people and there’s a good chance that you’ll start to become more positive, healthy and generous.

This week my five people are: Scott, Nicky, Daniel Jarvis, Karol Gajda, and Nick Reese (and Nick’s incredible girlfriend Yardena).

I’m beyond lucky to be in the presence of these five people. But then again, so are all of them.

And it’s a conscious choice that we each made to spend this time together.

Takeaway #7: You are the five people you spend the most time with. Spend it with top shelf humans.

 

8. The answer to 80% of your problems is: Just Fucking Do It.

We spent three hours talking today about life. It was time extremely well spent. I certainly walked away with shifts in my consciousness that will help me show up better in the future.

But at the end of our conversation, we talked about how we all know EXACTLY what we need to be doing this week, this month, this year.

We know EXACTLY how we could be happier, how we could be more productive, or how we could triple our incomes.

My coaching clients know exactly what they need to do. They don’t need me to tell them what to do. They need me to be on the phone the next week to see if they actually did what they said they were going to do.

Because when it really comes down to it…

Takeaway #8: The answer to 80% of your problems is: Just Fucking Do It.

So what are you waiting for?

  • http://twitter.com/scottbrills Scott Brills

    Great convo my man–happy to be there to share it with you. :)

    • http://www.hrostoski.com/ Mike Hrostoski

      Hell yeah man. What a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Damn, we’re lucky.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikola.slavkovic.5 Nikola Slavkovic

    What I would give to have people like that to talk with… 😛 … Awesome post as always :)

    • http://www.hrostoski.com/ Mike Hrostoski

      You do. I know you know at least a couple. Bring them together somehow. Host them at your house if they’re local. Host a Google hangout if they aren’t.

      Thanks for the comments Nikola!

  • http://www.thesocialgeneration.com/ Shogo Garcia

    Great stuff guys! #8 really just hits home for me, especially this week…

  • http://www.StartNetworkingToday.com/ John Muscarello

    Great Post Mike. Number 4 really puts things in perspective for me and motivates me to keep working hard. I once heard someone say, “I worked my whole life to become an over night success.” I hope all is well and I would love to catch up next time you’re in New York.

  • Marlice Miller

    Thanks Mike! You inspire me! Love your honesty and insight. I have created an amazing life… My relationship is stellar. My 21yr old daughter tells us we set the bar too high. I say never settle. “The second you settle for less than you deserve, you will get even less than you settle for.” The things that I stress about are old patterns. I know what I need to do… Gonna do them right now.

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