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You Don’t Know Me Anymore


People change.

The man that returns home after a tour in Afghanistan isn’t the same man anymore.

A woman who gives birth to her first child isn’t the same woman anymore.

And your friend who’s gone through a 12-step program isn’t the same friend anymore.

If you knew me in middle school, you don’t know me anymore. You probably wonder how the shy, overweight, awkward kid who competed in statewide mathematics competitions helps men be more attractive and confident to the opposite sex. Seriously, that kid had a name badge that said “Mathlete” and he wore sweat pants to school four times a week.

If you knew me in high school, you don’t know me anymore. You probably wonder how that big Asian kid who used to breakdance and dressed like the 10th member of the Wu Tang Clan is coaching entrepreneurs and executives. You remember him jumping into cyphers and getting into freestyle battles at house parties with a bottle of Alize in his hand. Damn, that kid was a walking Saturday Night Live character.

If you knew me in college, you don’t know me anymore. You probably wonder how the annoying over achiever who was involved in every student organization for the sake of his own ego is helping men get laser focused on their mission and living conscious lives for the sake of all beings.

If you knew me from my corporate career, you don’t know me anymore. You probably wonder how the unengaged, lazy, mediocre, not living up to his potential, poor corporate fit is helping his coaching clients anchor excellence into everything they do. (Psst, it’s because I absolutely fucking hated the work I was doing. Here’s a novel idea… give the spreadsheets and data analysis to an intern and free up leaders to lead.)

And if you knew me from meeting at a conference in the past two years, you don’t know me anymore. You probably wonder how the rambunctious, partying hopping, blacked out drunk at every open bar, womanizing, lifestyle design blogger is helping men find balance in their lives. Yep, I fell into the trap of consuming experiences like an addict the second I had some freedom. Oops.

Today, I am…

Well, I am happy.

Really happy.

Like sitting in a room doing nothing yet being full of joy happy.

Every day I create, connect, love, help people, learn something new, move my body, spend time outside, and laugh my face off.

It’s different. Waaaay different.

It’s uncharted territory.

Sometimes I feel guilty for the life I’ve created. Why should I get to travel all over the world doing stuff that makes me happy every day? Why not you?

On a side note, seriously, why NOT you?


And just as you don’t know me, I don’t know you.

You’ve grown, you’ve loved, you’ve learned, you’ve changed.

If I keep thinking you’re just that asshole guy from high school or that rude A-list blogger who didn’t have time to talk to me at SXSW, then shame on me. You’re much more than my projections about you from 15 years ago or the single data point that I have on you from a five second conversation.

So let’s get to know each other sometime over a beer.

Wait, over some tea.

  • Marcel Brown

    You are wise beyond your years, Michael-San.

    • Mike Hrostoski

      You too my man!

  • Liz Froment

    Really been enjoying your posts lately.

    • Mike Hrostoski

      Thanks Liz. David and I really really enjoyed our short but sweet Rhode Island adventure together. Those grilled cheese sandwiches, hahaha.

      • Liz Froment

        Impossible to forget those. But I will see you guys in Portland, staying much longer this time hopefully we’ll be able to run into each other out!

  • Jon O

    Bad ass.

  • Matt Kennedy

    You’ve always helped me out in our random meetups and friendship throughout the last twenty years… you’re a good guy. And its an inspiration to see it still going strong and you making a career out of it. Great posts my friend.

  • Jessica Scheer

    So excited to see you in 3 weeks and get to know the newest you 🙂 Mucho love brotha

  • Scott Brills

    Keep evolving brotha!

  • Lin

    So sorry we couldn’t get together in Boston in 2010 as planned… Tough renovation and tough year overall. I’m in Phoenix so holler if you find yourself visiting our hot state again any time soon. Love your recent posts so keep ’em coming!

  • Marlice miller

    Love this Mike! Love you too! My own 12 step program taught me that meeting over coffee or tea is way more fun than any blackout I’ve had the privilege of attending. Going through some major health issues and every time I read your posts I gain a new spark of hope. You were born to help others and you don’t know this yet but I can tell you life is gonna rock your world! You my friend are gonna help others who will want what you have, cause you are the real deal…you will show up and you will tell the truth and you will help someone who thinks they can’t learn they sure as shit can and will!!! If you plan to be in the San Fran East Bay Area please let me know. I’d love to take you out to dinner along with my hubby sand teenage son. We have an extra room, so all
    You need to do Is pick a date. I’m really proud to call you a friend!! Lets go chat over tea soon! 😉

  • Chris Ritchie

    Great post Mike! Isn’t it hilarious to look at who we were and what we were doing? It seems like we always thought we had it figured out. Here’s to never remaining stagnant and continuing to learn, listen, appreciate and evolve!

  • Matt

    Thank you for writing this. I was literally thinking about this today and could greatly relate to it.

  • Nicky Hajal

    Yeah man – I’ve had a lot of conversations, probably with you included, about how it’s always inevitable for me to find new friends every 2-3 years as I progress and don’t fit with the same people anymore.

    In fact, being around the old people feels so hard/bad/frustrating because it just brings out that old personality as all the social interactions happen with the assumption that that’s the social role I fit into.

    The cool thing is that now my group of friends is bonded primarily by a mutual interest in personal growth and evolution so we can genuinely support that in each other.

    It’s actually a pretty cool way to get meta and solve that problem.

    • Mike Hrostoski

      Yeah man.

      I love how you said that most of the guys who used to intimidate you are now some of your best friends. I’ve noticed that as well lately.

  • Dani O. Buckley

    What a fantastic and honest post. I’ve been writing a post myself, yet to be published, about accepting all the contradictions we have as people — and this adds a whole new layer of that and it’s the fact that we really do change. Like big time. And it’s easy to think you changed but noone else did, and keep on assuming they’re they same. But we’re all going through our own journey and evolving… whether good or bad. I choose good.

    Hope to have a chance to connect with you at WDS. Love how you think!

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  • Ceci Harris

    Love your article. I found your website through Eva Werk and suggested it to my nephew.