An Open Letter To My Former Self
I’m so angry at you.
You’re a disgrace.
You’ve been given every God-given talent in the world. Your parents are some of the most loving, supporting parents in the world. You won the genetic lottery. Your mother spent countless hours with you teaching you reading, writing and arithmetic.
The reason you were in those gifted classes growing up? It’s not you. It’s her.
Most moms don’t spend hours every week helping their kids learn their multiplication tables. Yours did.
You’ve had every advantage in the world.
Sure, your dad doesn’t make a whole lot of money, but he’s a king of a man. Everyone loves him. Do you know why?
It’s because he has a heart of gold. It’s because he’s playful. It’s because he’ll do anything to help somebody when they are in need. It because he makes the people around him feel good. It’s because he embodies the true meaning of the word “servant leader.” And he works day in and day out working the night shift to keep you and your brother fed and clothed.
And what do you give him in return?
You spend most of your time drinking with your friends. Wasting your talents. Sleeping around. Or just sleeping. Cheating on your girlfriend. Playing video games. Watching the same episode of Sportscenter you just watched earlier.
I want to shake you.
I want to grab you by the shoulders and scream at you.
“Wake the fuck up! This isn’t a dress rehearsal!”
But it won’t get through.
You’re so emotionally stunted that anything anyone says to you bounces off of the walls that you’ve put up around yourself.
Wow, I’m not so angry anymore. I just feel sad for you now.
I feel sad that you’ve grown up without any strong masculine role models. Your dad is doing the best that he can, but there are gaps that need to be filled. At least he’s not like some of your friend’s fathers.
Those dads scare you. They are physically and verbally abusive. They are like angry dictators, ruling their households with fear.
Yeah, your dad might be a little soft. But thank goodness he isn’t on the other extreme. He’s never gotten angry at you in his life. He just loved you.
Through everything you put him through.
Through everything that you still put him through.
Why do you drink so much? I’m surprised you haven’t killed yourself yet.
How many more times are you going to drive home blacked out? How many more times are you going to let mom find you passed out in the front yard?
Oh yeah, mom. You still have her.
Cherish that shit. Stop being so rude to her. Help her around the house every once in a while.
Tell her you love her. It’s been a long time since you’ve said it. When did you stop letting her kiss you? Middle school?
I remember the moment when you told her not to kiss you anymore when she dropped you off at school because you were embarrassed that your friends would see you.
I bet she does too.
You’re going to die.
I know you try not to think about it, but it’s true.
The last time I checked, the death rate was hovering at about 100%.
I know you’re afraid, but life is a wonderful thing. This beautiful, chaotic, absolutely perfect thing called life.
I know you think everyone is out to get you, but they are really here to support you. People keep reaching out to you, but you just keep pushing them away.
As long as you keep operating from that place of fear and lack, you’re going to get the same results.
As long as you keep lying to everyone around you, you’re going to be constantly stressed out. You’re going to constantly fear that they are going to find out.
As long as you keep lying to the women in your life, you’re going to continue to suffer pain in your relationships.
As long as you keep letting your fears hold you back from what you want, you’re going to be stuck in that same place. And you hate most of where you’re at right now.
You’re 24 years old and you live in your parents’ house. You’ve never done a load of laundry in your life. You’re virtually incapable of taking care of yourself.
The sad thing though, it’s because you’ve never tried.
You can make a change, but you need to do some work. You need to do something. You need to act now.
Here’s what you need to know to get you out of the mess that is your life.
1. No One Is Coming To Save You
The only person who is responsible for your life is you. Not mom, not dad, not your boss, not your girlfriend. It’s you.
The only person who is responsible for your happiness, for your success, for your financial goals, for your sex life, and for your dreams is you.
You have everything that you need to create the life of your dreams. Just take the first step towards what you want.
Which step? Any step!
Do anything! Anything but stay in your parents’ house working that job that you hate and getting drunk every weekend to mask your pain.
Anything is good. Just take a step.
2. Love Women, I Mean Really Love Women
You don’t love women.
If you did you wouldn’t cheat on them. If you did you wouldn’t lie to them. If you did you wouldn’t complain about them.
Most of what you’ve learned about women is wrong. I know, it’s unfair, but that’s just how it goes.
Women are beautiful, extraordinary creatures. They are not “bitches and hos.” They are not something to conquer. They are not something to be used and thrown away.
Most of the messaging that you are getting is detrimental to you having real connections with women. And most of your friends don’t respect women either. Don’t listen to them.
Women aren’t crazy. They are human. And part of being a human is expressing your emotions.
Instead of saying “I don’t know” anytime your girlfriend asks you how you’re feeling, just tell her how you’re feeling. I know it goes against what you’ve learned, but the minute you start sharing with her, the deeper your connection will be with her.
And do you know what happens when she trusts you? You’ll start having crazy ass sex. The kind of sex that you didn’t know was humanly possible. The stuff you’ve only read about on the Internet. It’s possible, I promise.
But you have to love her first. You have to tell her the truth first. And you have to let yourself be vulnerable.
Or else she won’t either. She’ll only open up as far as you’re willing to.
3. Get Some Help
You’re carrying around so much pain I’m surprised you’re keeping it together.
You need help.
You need to find someone to unload all those secrets on. You need a safe space to let your walls down long enough for you to feel all of that pain you’ve been carrying inside.
You need a therapist.
You need friends who support you and encourage you instead of the ones who just get wasted with you and give you shit when you don’t go out with them.
Your heart is so closed off that everything inside you is like the waters of a dam, ready to burst at any moment.
Do you realize that the only time you cry is when you get drunk? Just think about it.
You get so wasted that you can hardly speak. Then you cry in someone’s arms for an hour or two. I can think of several instances now.
Do you know why? It’s because it’s the only time that your body loosens up enough to let you experience your feelings.
Get help. Please.
4. Take More Risks
I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve learned from experience that trying to take the safe route is actually the riskiest path in life.
Do you know how many girls liked you in high school? Did you realize that you could have gone to college anywhere in the country? Did you know that you could apply to jobs outside of Tucson, AZ? You could being working overseas right now if you wanted.
But instead you’ve lived in the same house for the past 14 years. You are virtually the same person that you were several years ago.
And there is so much more out there. So much more.
Do you know those places that you see on TV? They really aren’t that hard to get to. You can actually fly there for free if you learn how to leverage airline miles.
And I know you think that every girl is going to reject you, but just open your mouth and say something. You’re 6’2” and 220 pounds and when a girl walks up you turn into a five year old.
The only way to get more experience with women is to experience women.
I know you forgot what it was like to take risks because you got it beaten out of you. Everyone called you hyperactive. You were forced to sit in church for five hours a week, three days a week and you hated it. Your teachers said you had trouble concentrating and that you talked too much.
But you know what?
That energy? That light? That spark?
That’s what will give you anything you want in life if you allow yourself to turn it back on.
So get a little wild again. Kiss that girl. Get on a plane. Move out. Do things that make you uncomfortable.
Because if you don’t, you’ll find yourself on your deathbed wishing you had.
5. Stop Lying
You’re a pathological liar.
You lie to your customers at work. You lie to your parents. You lie to your girlfriend. You lie to your friends.
You lie to yourself.
I don’t blame you. I know, I know. You had to. You had to lie when you were young so you wouldn’t lose your parents love.
But now you’re an adult. And the only thing that those lies are doing is keeping you locked in a prison of deceit.
It’s going to be hard work to work your way out of the spider web of lies that you’ve created. A lot of people will be hurt. You’ll lose friends. People will be mad at you. Mom and Dad won’t understand.
But the moment you stop lying, your problems will start to magically disappear. You’ll sleep better. Your relationships with women will be amazing. You won’t feel so stressed out all the time.
You’ll be free.
I know this is a lot to swallow, but I love you.
God, I love you. I just want the best for you and it kills me to see you wasting your life away.
I want you to have all the money, sex, adventure, life experiences, and freedom that you can possibly have in one lifetime.
But the funny thing is, one you have all of those things, they won’t do it for you anymore. But that a discussion for another time. You’re not ready for that talk yet.
For now, I just want you to realize that you are the creator of the movie script that is your life.
What kind of story do you want to create? The choice is yours.
PS – Can you relate? You might want to think about joining a group of guys just like him who are coming together to get these things handled at The Conference For Men. Are you in?