Sunday, May 11 8:40pm: Starbucks, Point Loma, CA
I used to be a rapper.
In high school and college I would participate in online rap battles on websites like Freestyling.com and LyricalOlympics.com.
I would get in freestyle battles at house parties.
I spent most of college writing raps. I would write rhymes on everything. I would read my rhyming dictionary for fun.
Some would say it was a waste of time.
But as I deepened my practice I learned a lot about life from freestyling.
How to skillfully use metaphor.
How to use multisyllabic rhyme schemes.
How to make fun of myself before my opponent could.
How to think on my toes.
How to brag.
How to use my surroundings to my advantage.
And now over a decade later it all makes sense.
Everything that I did prepared me for this moment.
Everything that you’ve done has prepared you for this moment.
In this moment you might look back at your life and just see a series of random experiences that haven’t prepared you for anything.
But I see a deep Body Of Work that has prepared you perfectly for the next step in your journey.
At The Conference For Men, a common thread that I heard from the speakers was the idea of letting go.
You can operate from a place of constriction. A place of tightness. A place of needing to be in control.
I see that a lot with my clients and friends. They need to be in control. They need to do everything perfectly. They need their website to be perfect before they start selling their products and services.
They need to be 20 pounds lighter before they can take their shirt off. They need to know exactly what to say on the date before they go on the date. They need permission from someone to follow their dreams.
What if they just let go?
What if you just let go?
What if you just tightened your grip on reality and trusted that everything would be ok?
I just stopped writing for a second. Liz asked me a question. She’s sitting in front of me working at the same Starbucks.
I haven’t written about her much since I consider my intimate relationship sacred space. I’ll write about pretty much anything except my relationship and my coaching clients. So you haven’t heard but about her, even though most of you knew we were dating.
I didn’t plan on writing about her in this blog, but sometimes life throws you a curveball and you just have to go with it.
I’m scared about writing about my relationship.
Because in the past things went really well with my relationships until everybody found out that we were dating. Her friends would say stuff like, “He’s a little too rough around the edges for you. You can do better.” And my friends would say stuff like, “Dude, she’s not even that hot. You can do better.”
But here I am, admitting to the world that I have a woman that I love who is a huge part of my life right now.
I don’t know if we’ll be together in a year. I don’t even know if we’re going to be together in a month.
But all I know is right now I have a woman by my side who meets me physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and sexually. A woman who has handled everything that I’ve thrown at her. A woman who has set firm boundaries on what she expects in a relationship and who has told me in no uncertain terms that she won’t accept anything less.
So I’m here. With her.
Showing up fully and taking it one delicious day at a time.
Because sometimes you just have to let go and trust God, Source, the Universe or whatever you believe in to steer you in the right direction.
I can’t fail. Literally.
I can’t fail in my relationship. I can’t fail in my business. I can’t fail in my relationships with my father and my brother. I can’t fail in life.
Failure is just feedback.
The Conference For Men was a total “failure” in so many ways. The team leaders and core team “failed” me multiple times. I “failed” dozens of times along the way. In fact, I only had a third of the men show up that I anticipated, so the entire event was a complete “failure.”
But it was an event. Not just an idea.
How many business ideas are you sitting on because you’re afraid of failure?
How many women are you letting slip through your fingers because you’re worried about failing?
How much longer are you going to let yourself sit on the sidelines and let people who are less talented than you seize the opportunities that you were put here in this planet for?
Everything is good.
Everything is perfect.
My father is perfect the way he is. My brother is perfect the way he is.
All of my friends are perfect the way they are.
I recently posted this as my Facebook status.
“I release myself of any expectations that I have of changing you, with the understanding that I am only causing myself suffering.”
The cool thing is that I actually meant it.
You know how when you learn a new skill you start doing it all the time?
When a child learns how to do a magic trick he does it for all of his friends, his parents, his parents’ friends, and anyone who will give him an audience.
When a man starts learning pickup, he starts talking to every woman he encounters. He dives so deep into the art of seducing women that he forgets who he is for a little while.
Likewise, when a life coach learns the tools and frameworks for coaching, he starts coaching everyone.
He coaches his parents. He coaches his childhood friends. He coaches the Starbucks barista.
He coaches without permission.
He coaches everyone he can because he feels like he has been handed a lifesaving tool that he needs to share with everyone that he comes into contact with.
Then one day he realizes that everything is perfect.
He realizes that it’s not his responsibility to save the world.
It’s his responsibility to work on his insides and his insides only.
And in a split second, life gets a whole lot easier to stomach.
Space opens up that wasn’t there before.
He can breathe bigger. He can take the weekend off hanging out with his girlfriend without feeling guilty. He can stop worrying about all of his friends and enjoy the pleasure of his own existence.
He can let go.
And with that…