The Men's CoachThe School for Men

I help Men create

Love, Power, and Freedom

in every area of their lives.

More sex, more money, more freedom.
Get free tips on creating the life you want:

I’m Stepping Back Into The Light

Stepping Back Into The Light

I have a really, really great life.

I wake up without an alarm. I regularly get emails from people from all over the world telling me how my work has changed their life. Almost every day I have a conversation with someone who people would pay hundreds of dollars an hour just to talk to.

I can talk to my girlfriend about literally anything. I live a few minutes from the beach in a city where lots of people spend their one week of vacation a year. I take a group fitness class almost every day. I’m surrounded by people who value growth, contribution, and openness.

I spent the past two and a half years traveling around the country working with and even living with some of the best minds around sexuality, entrepreneurship, marketing, leadership, health, and creativity.

A majority of my day is spent either outside, reading a book, cuddling, talking to someone amazing on the phone or Skype, fucking, writing, or moving my body.

And if I have an idea, I create it. The world is my playground.

You could say I’ve already created my own little version of Heaven On Earth.

But part of my work is also exploring the darkest, scariest, and most frightening parts of our psyche and the human experience.

Because one of the most important things I do for my clients is hold space for them to be themselves. Fears, failures, fuck ups and all.

And personally I want to explore a topic before it comes up in a coaching session, so I can be totally prepared for it and to provide a safe, loving, non-judgmental space for my client to fall apart so he can take the next step forward.

For example, a couple of months ago I blocked a whole day off on my calendar to talk about racism. I dove deep with several coaches in the Martha Beck tribe for hours at a time having some extremely difficult and eye opening conversations around race.

I’m on a constant mission to uncover blind spots and shine the light on them. Because the more I do that, the more loving I can be and the more I can take delight in the pleasure of my own existence.

Which brings me to another blind spot I’ve noticed recently. And that deadly blind spot has been…

Focusing on what’s wrong instead of what’s right in my life.

I think I’ve been doing this for multiple reasons.

For one, it creates a deeper connection with you. You read something that I’m struggling with and realize that we have something in common and then you trust me more.

I never intended on being this open, I just wrote one scary blog post, the world liked it and I kept on rolling. So it became a habit, just like anything else.

Another reason is because I still want you to like me.

I think I’m a little scared that if I become too successful you won’t like me anymore.

So I keep sharing the lowlights of my life so I can be like, “Hey! I’m just like you. I don’t have it figured out either.”

What happens though is that I keep putting energy towards what I don’t want instead of what I do want. And then that negative energy compounds and turns into completely fabricated threats, fears, and demons.

December was really, really dark. I think I went a little too far in my exploration of life. I thought about death, war, old age, racism, rape, violence, and the meaninglessness of life way too much.

I would regularly question if I actually make a difference in the world or why I was even alive.

It was pretty scary.

I feel like I just climbed out of a cave after a couple months. And I’m ready to soak up some sun.

Every day we have a choice to focus our awareness on the good stuff or the bad stuff.

No matter how much money you make, where you live, or what you do for a living, there are always dozens of things every day that you can celebrate and be grateful for.

Your breath.

The sun.

A good night’s rest.

A hug.

Clean water.

The Internet.

The fact that you can walk.

Your parents deciding to have sex so you could be born.

I could make a list of 100 in less than five minutes. So could you. So why not do it right now?

Life is whatever you make of it and for now I’m stepping back into the light.


PS – I know December was really dark for a lot of you. I’ve had multiple conversations with friends who had a really rough month. Will you join me in the light again?

[Photo Credit]

  • Shannon Lagasse

    So up for joining you in the light, brother! <3

  • Brynne Heatley

    This was wonderful! You are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing your light.

  • Jackie Lea Shelley

    Amen. December was super dark for me, too. The new year feels like so much of a rebirth. Watching with anticipation, to see what happens next 🙂

  • JOY

    Sweetheart, December wasn’t dark for me, and I think you need to have a kid. A child gives you an entire different dimension of life, and right now, I think you might be focusing too much on yourself. Please know, I say this with SO MUCH LOVE!

    • Lily Starling


    • mercer_e

      “please know, I say this with SO MUCH PROJECTION!”