Fuck What Your Parents Think For The Sake Of The World
This is a topic that has been coming up recently in conversations with friends and clients. Maybe it was the holiday season. Or maybe I just hang out with a lot of people who defy normal.
But I’m going to give you some direct advice that I wish someone gave me when I was a much younger man. And that advice is this.
“Fuck what your parents think. The world needs you to play a bigger game.” – Click To Tweet
Over the past three years I’ve had thousands of face to face conversations with people from all over the world on purpose, entrepreneurship, sex, lifestyle design, health, spirituality, and all things human. And there’s a common five word phrase that I’ve heard at least a dozen times that keeps people playing small in their lives. That phrase?
“My parents would kill me.”
For some strange reason, a large number of people today think that if they actually told their parents what they think about the world or if they took a big leap into something that they really desired, their parents “would kill them.”
So I want to ask you this my friend…
If you quit your job or got a tattoo or dated someone that they didn’t want you to date, would they actually drive to your place of work or residence and make an attempt to end your life?
Sadly, for an extremely small minority of the world, the answer is Yes.
But I have a hunch that if you are reading these words then your parents only want the best for you, which includes being happy, safe, fulfilled, and successful.
So I want to ask you a very important question…
Why are you letting your parents control your life if you’re an adult?
If you’re a seven year old reading this than I get your concerns. When we are children with a chronological age of a single digit then we have no other choice. Our parents back then were the sole source of protection, food, shelter, and safety.
Earning our parents’ love when we were young was absolutely vital to our survival.
But somehow as adults we’ve forgotten that we aren’t breastfeeding or wearing diapers anymore. And that the only person who is responsible for our emotional well-being, physical health, financial success, and overall happiness is the person that stares back at us every morning when we get ready for the day.
You are the Creator of your reality. No one is coming to save you. And that’s the good news.
It’s the good news because you are free.
Free to marry whoever you want. Or free to not get married at all.
Free to do work that lights you up. Or free to not work for a while.
Free to travel wherever you want. Or free to live out the rest of your years right where you are today.
Free to explore your sexuality. Free to explore God and spirituality on your own terms.
Free to say, “You know what? I really want this!” And then go for it unapologetically like a toddler does.
Yes, you are Free.
And do you want to know a little secret about why your parents sometimes act the way they do?
They are scared. And they Love you.
Everything that your parents do is because they Love you.
Do you know why there is so much unbridled emotion going back and forth between you and your parents every time you talk? Did you ever wonder why there’s always so much anger or judgment or crying mixed in with tears of joy and hugging and moments of absolute peace and stillness? Do you wonder why your parents make you so “crazy?”
It’s because you love your parents more than any other person in the world.
And your parents love you more than any other person in the world.
You both love each other so much that your hearts break open every time you interact with each other. Sometimes out of grief and sometimes out of joy.
A good number of you reading these words right now are arguing with me in your head.
“But no, I hate my father! He worked his life away throughout my entire childhood!”
“I hate my mother. She always tells me what to do!”
Read the next words carefully as if they are absolutely true. Because they are.
Everything your parents have done throughout the entirety of your life has been done 100% out of Love. – Click To Tweet
I know, crazy right?
But it’s true.
Mom and Dad just love the hell out of us and want what’s best for us. And they will continue to do so until the day that they leave this life for the next.
Even if that looks a little different than how you’d like to be loved. But they are humans, just like us. And every human being carries a host of fears, doubts, insecurities, and unique ideas of what someone should best do with their life.
Do you want to know the two simple actions to take to take your relationship with your parents to the next level? I’ve seen them work time and time again.
1. Love Them Unconditionally No Matter What They Do
Anytime you say “I wish my dad was more…” or “I wish my mom didn’t…” you are arguing against reality. And you are causing yourself suffering.
Instead of ever making them wrong for being who they are, just Love them.
They created you after all. The least you can do is to practice the art of unconditional love on them.
Your parents (and your children) are your greatest teachers. Rejoice in how hard it is to love them sometimes.
If you don’t believe me and still think that your parents are crazy or mean or just plain wrong, then dive into The Work Of Bryon Katie and I’ll meet you in paradise.
2. Live An Extraordinary Life, Even If They Disagree
Live the most extraordinary life possible.
Supple body. Financial freedom. Mind blowing sex. Nourishing community. Connection to the divine. Creativity expressed. Massive contribution to the world.
Create a life thats dripping in fulfillment in every way. You deserve it my friend.
Then when they get upset at you for being too loud, too flashy, too busy, too open, too weird, too healthy, too lazy, or just too much…
Go back to Step #1. Love them Unconditionally.
And take a stand for your life because you are the Creator of your life story.
By creating an extraordinary life and keeping your heart open to your parents throughout it, you’ll show them firsthand that they can have that too. And they’ll be more likely to join you instead of judge you.
Healing our relationship with our parents is the greatest piece of inner work for most of us.
Whether they are still alive or not, there are probably some unresolved wounds that need to be addressed. So for your emotional and spiritual health, I highly suggest that you shine a light on those relationships and do whatever it takes to make them as clear and open as possible.
Because it will feel so good afterwards.
But the moral of this story is more than just doing things that make you feel good. Here’s another reason why you need to stop listening to what your parents think.
You are infinite potential.
But right now you’re playing a much smaller game in the world than you could be. I know I am still.
Yes, we are both perfect right now in the present moment, but we both also have a whole lot of growing and evolving ahead in the decades to come. And those of us who are growing and evolving the most rapidly are those who will inevitably save the world.
There are a lot of problems right now that we are facing as a human species. We’re going to need everyone on board to navigate us through the next century.
And every contribution counts.
It would be a tragedy if you didn’t share your gifts with the world just because you were worried that Mommy or Daddy would be upset with you.
Let’s do this team.
PS – If you are a parent this reading post I want you to seriously ask yourself this question: “Do I want my fear to get in the way of my son or daughter’s happiness, fulfillment, or contribution to the world?”
If not, then let us fly.
And to all the Moms and Dads out there… I Love you, you are all my heroes. You made a human being! That’s by far the world’s greatest project.
PPS – If you love your parents as much as I do, send them a link to this blog post along with a list of the 25 Things That You Admire The Most About Them.