I Love Men, No Homo

I’m a hugger.

I hug strangers. I hug my friends. I hug straight men. I hug gay men.

I’m staying in a flat in Berlin right now with four other men. We hug a lot.

And by hug, I’m talking about five second long, chest to chest, squeezing the life out of each other type hugs.

 

I say “I love you” to somewhere around twenty friends in my life. More than half of them are men.

I say “I love you” to Andy. To Willie. To Nicky. To . I say it over the phone, I say it in emails, and I say it in person.

And I say it because I sincerely mean it. Those guys are my brothers by choice.

Yes, I have deep, genuine love for several men in my life.

And I’m a heterosexual male.

 

Based on my experiences in coaching, I think men and women view intimacy a little differently. This is a bit of a generalization, but I here’s how I see it.

When men think intimacy, we think Physical. We want sex, we want hand holding, we want kissing, we want physical time spent together, we want to feast our eyes on physical beauty.

When women think intimacy, they think Emotional. They want deep emotional connection, they want to open their hearts to us, they want us to open our hearts to them, they want us to share our dreams and goals, they want to feel their hearts filled with our love.

With this difference in needs, men typically feel unloved when their physical needs aren’t being met and women typically feel unloved when their emotional needs aren’t being met.

Again, just a generalization on my part.

Which is another reason why some men are afraid to hug other men.

Because it’s weird. Because it’s uncomfortable. Because it’s “gay.”

 

As men we are taught early to shut down our emotions from our fathers, from our peers, or from society.

• “Boys don’t cry. Girls cry.”
• “Crying is a sign of weakness.”
• “I’ll give you something to really cry about!”
• “Look at Timmy! He’s crying! Timmy’s a crybaby!”

We’re taught that being strong and unfeeling is the manly, masculine thing to do.

So whether we are aware of it or not, we hide our emotions from the world. We walk around with the front of our bodies collapsed. We have a shell around our heart that protects it from feeling anything at all.

Like robots.

 

So what’s the point of this post?

To tell you that it’s ok to feel.

In fact, you’re missing out on so much if you’re not feeling. Yeah, I’m talking to you bro.

The women in your lives open their legs for you, but not their hearts. They are yearning to see you feel, to cry, to share, to admit that you are human. They try to get you to open up to them, but you keep brushing them off by shutting down and jumping on your motorcycle or hiding in your man cave playing video games. And it’s killing them inside.

The men in your lives are your friends but only on the most casual level. If the conversation drifts away from sports, boobs, or work, they get uncomfortable. You’ve never shared anything of any real significance to them. They might as well be strangers. And what you think you know about them is only the tip of the iceberg.

But all of this can change right now.

Just open your heart and the world will open up for you.

And the women in your life will thank you for it. In more ways than one.

 

Yes, I love the men in my life. I am supported, loved, and cared for by the men in my life. I have real intimacy with the men in my life.

Because intimacy is a lot more than just jabbing your dick in a warm hole.